Last Friday Night
by Austro-Hungarian Empire
Summary: Ladies and Gentlemen. I would like to present to you, my first story on this site! I decided on a one-shot because many of these commands are foreign to me. Anyway, the setting: Edward and many of his 'friends' (I use friends lightly) are invited to a party at the Devil's Nest. The day after, Edward has a hang-over and can't remember what happened. What happened? Read and find out!


Last Friday Night

Ah, those words: _**Friday Night.**_

It usually meant joy and happiness, knowing that the week that really sucked, was over. However, _this Friday Night_, was speical. It would be a Friday so unforgettable...that he forgot it. Who you ask?

Edward Elric.

You heard me, Edward Elric. You see, Edward was invited to a party at the Devil's Nest, by Greed. However, that is about all he remembers as he wakes up on the floor...in a bedroom...with no cloths.

Now, the one question he had to ask himself: What the fuck happened last night?

OOO

Edward's eyes fluttered open, only to see more darkness, with only torches to light part of the room. He glanced around his surroundings and found that he was on the floor to the right side of a bed, blankets the only thing covering his 'private business'.

He stretched, wondering why the hell he was on the floor and completely naked. He looked around some more, to find his clothing which included his red coat, black shirt and pants and his shoes, were a few feet away from the door on the other side of the small space. The cloths were scattered, as if they were thrown to random places. He threw the blankets on the bed and then proceeded to gather his cloths to get dressed. After he was fully dressed, he walked out of the space, went down some stairs and found himself in the bar area. He looked around, to see many of the people who he recognized. Edward concluded that most of them had a bad hang over from drinking. He had a large head ache that he hadn't really noticed, being dazed. He decided he needed to know what the hell happened to him the night before, so he decided to ask around. He found Hawkeye, sitting and slunk against the wall, looking to be in a peaceful slumber. Edward put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently, as her eyes opened.

"Edward?" She said dazed, looking up at him, showing that she had clown make-up on her face with a red wig, "What happened last night?"

"That is what I want to know." He replied, deciding not to ask what was with the clown make up and wig.

"Well..." Hawkeye said, trying to remember what happened, "I remember us arriving here at eight, Colonel got drunk, some crazy guy was yelling the world was going to end...and I think there was a monkey."

"A monkey?" Edward asked, thinking that she was just tipsy.

"Yes." She confirmed in all seriousness.

Edward sighed as he left Hawkeye, to try finding someone else who knew what happened to him last night. He came across Ling, who had his head against the counter of the bar. He was snoring, his hunched over form relaxed. Edward decided this would be the time for revenge...by waking him up the worst way possible. He used his alchemy to make a small stone bell and placed it right near Ling's ear. He banged one of his metal figures against it, ringing out. Ling jumped with a start, looking around, eyes actually opened for once. He then saw Edward, closed his eyes and relaxed, smiling.

"Hello there, Edward, some crazy party, right?" Ling said in his usually friendly tone.

"Yeah, yeah," Edward said, brushing off his kindness, "Tell me, what happened last night?"

"Well..." Ling said, in deep thought, "I had brought my pet monkey, Jingo and he had started to attack Colonel Roy Mustang. He almost set him on fire, but Lanfan came in, cutting his gloves, stopping Roy from burning my monkey. He then got pissed and started a bar fight...I think I saw you, you upper-cut Envy."

"Thanks Ling." He said, already knowing Ling had nothing else to say.

He found Colonel, his head was resting upon a bar table, several empty beer bottles surrounded his head.

After waking up the Colonel, he started to say his story, "Well, I remember a stupid monkey attacking me, getting punched by a ninja, starting a bar fight...Oh, also, I remember you kicked the shit out of Envy, but from behind came Sloth, but Alphonse saved you in time. After some fighting, Greed calmed everyone, mainly by kicking the ass of whoever instigated the fights. After that...I ordered some beers and _poof_, out like a fucking light on the Fourth of July."

Edward thanked him, running off, only to find Alphonse...who had no arms, legs or head, being stuffed to the brim with soil and some lovely flowers. Edward stared at his brother for a moment before asking, "Al, what happen-"

"Don't ask." Alphonse stated plainly.

After dumping the entire soil out of his body and finding his head and putting it on him, Edward asked Alphonse what happened.

"Well...I remember that you claimed your auto-mail got busted up in the fight and Winry offered to look at it. I also remember Kimbley said the world was going to end, with a lot of liquor on his lips and stumbling. I also believed Pride face-palmed."

"Thanks Al."

He then came across Pride, who was looking at Envy, who was on the ground, screaming curses at Pride, who quickly ended it by cutting of Envy's head with his shadows. As Envy regenerated, Edward got Pride's attention and asked what happened.

"Well..." The adorable yet deadly homunculus pondered, "I remember a monkey, a bar fight, you kicking Envy's ass like a bad ass..."

He paused, but then continued with a smirk, "Right, that innocent little girl that you like _so_ much offered to look at your auto-mail. Out of curiosity, I had my shadows fallow you, but sadly I came across Lanfan, who used a flash bomb to destroy my shadows."

When Envy regenerated, he continued the story, "Yeah, you and that chick went up the room, as a mouse, I slipped past the door and saw her fix your auto-mail, you tested it out, and then she gave you a peck on the cheek. I couldn't see anymore because I got caught in a mouse trap, fearing more mouse traps, I left, not even glancing in your directions."

Edward thanked them both as he ran off. He came across Wrath, who had that same old smile on his face. After Wrath greeted him, Edward asked what happened.

"Well..." Wrath started, "I remember a monkey, a bar fight, you owning Envy like a boss, Alphonse being turned into a flower pot by Scar, for god-knows-what...Ah yes, I had heard small moans and groans coming from up stairs, using my ultra hearing. I also heard the swishing of tongues, signallying that someone was making out."

"Thanks Wrath." Edward said with a worried expression, wondering what the hell he and Winry did. He came across Greed, who had two girls under his arm (as always) and had a big smirk on his face as he said in that slick voice, "Ah, Ed, the man of the hour, how was she? Wink, wink."

"I don't know, I don't remember what happened." Edward said.

"Well..." Greed said, wondering, "At the beginning, you ordered a shit load amount of drinks, getting wasted very quickly, I also remembered a monkey attacking Roy, him started a bar fight, me owning everyone like a bad ass and you getting with your girlfriend for an 'auto-mail' inspection."

Suddenly, the monkey that Edward had guessed had attacked Colonel had jumped onto Greed's shoulders as he continued, "I remember, you coming to me after you and your girlfriend went up-stairs. You came back to ask if I could give you a 'rubber'."

"Oh shit." He stated, his face turning white. Now, the question raged even more, '_What the hell happened last night?!'_

He thanked Greed and left. He finally came across Winry, who was leaning against the wall nearest to the exit to the nest. There was some vomit on the ground, her cloths were ruffled and her hair was messy. She looked at Edward with a lazy yet groggy look in her eye as they were slightly drooped.

"Ah, Edward, how you doing." She said, very drunkenly.

"Ah, W-Winry, can you tell me, what happened last night?"

"Well..." She pondered for a long moment, "I remember us arriving here at eight, Colonel got drunk, Kimbley was yelling the world was going to end. You also ordered a shit load amount of drinks, getting wasted very quickly. A monkey attacked Colonel, who got punched by Lanfan. Colonel ended up starting a bar fight. Everything went to hell, however, you were owning people like the bad ass I know you are. After the fighting had settled, you claimed your auto-mail wasn't right, so we went up-stairs. After I fixed it, I gave you friendly little peck on the cheek. However, you then grabbed me by the chin and pulled me into a passionate kiss. You even wanted to take it further and went to get a condom from Greed. When you returned..." She had a huge smile on her face and still that groggy and drooped look in her eyes, "We had a lot of _**fun.**_"

Edward grew pale, as he fainted.

OOO

_**Friday Night.**_

It usually meant joy and happiness, knowing that the week that really sucked, was over. However, _this Friday Night_, was special. It would be a Friday so unforgettable...that he forgot it. Now, that he looked back at it, he wished he hadn't remembered at all.


End file.
